It sucks man. I am in the middle of a should-be-easy-and-fast mini project, but stuck in connecting the ranging sensor module to my esp32 and reading range values. It's pissing me off mostly because it's a no-brainer and should've been done hours ago. Just solder the pin headers, connect wires, plug it into the computer and done. But the damn module doesn't respond. Tried two separate modules, two separate processing units, changed the wires, even tried using an SBC instead of the microcontroller. NO.
I wanted to write this blog post now exactly when I'm frustrated and exhausted, to remind myself it all sucks and it's so damn hard to keep on going when nothing is working, and you don't know which way to turn cause again, nothing is working to give you even a tiny clue. You just have to keep up the hope and move forward. Yeah all of those inspiring books and movies and stuff tell you to go. But when you’re confused and have no idea what’s waiting for you at the end, none of that really works. its just too hard to keep doing it.
Actually screw hope. Maybe that's the issue. Why would I promise myself everything will be ok when I see no real sign of it?
Recently my friend mentioned Pandora box and I researched about it. It comes from Greek mythology. Pandora (the first woman created by Zeus to punish humanity after Prometheus stole fire for humans) was given a container and told not to open it. When she did, troubles and evils escaped into the world; hope remained behind.
The interesting part is its ambiguity. Hope is a gift? or also a kind of evil? it literally sits between suffering and survival. we can't tell.
Worth mentioning hope has mostly been a good thing in my life. Its unfounded, pulled-out-of-nowhere promises have kept me from giving up in many situations. But it has bitten me hard too, especially in relationships. Not going into the details right now. I’m still angry and I don’t yet have the strength to mourn the hope I had that this person would be there for me.
So yeah. Screw hope once again. I’m fed up with you the garbage project and your stupid piece of sensor. Fuck you. You know what? many times I had my hopes in that stupid Pandora’s box only for the whole damn thing to fall off a building and land directly on my head like a piano in the Pink Panther. trust me your disappointment has nothing on mine. Go fuck yourself. see you tomorrow.